Storm Watch

A woman leaving a 22 year marriage. A young mother diagnosed with cancer. An aunt wasting away with an agressive tumour. A woman getting that phone call that tells her the father of her children has died.

What do all of these things have in common, besides being unthinkably sad? Unfair? Grievous? Painful?

These are all people I know.

A friend of mine has chosen to walk through the fire with someone. This girl has, in the last year or so, been diagnosed with cancer, has found her mother ravaged with the same disease, and is now in the beginning stages of wading into grief, as the father of her girls was killed in a car accident a couple of weeks ago. My friend expressed to me how helpless she feels. She asked me, "what do I say, or do...or explain to her about life? How do I dare to say life happens as it should...and that everything is working together for good?"

In a lightbulb moment, I responded with something that could only be a God thought, a divine revelation...clarity.

You don't have to do or say anything. You are the palm tree in the storm. Your purpose is to remain still..stationary, fixed. In this life we are different things at different times...sometimes we are the palm tree, sometimes we are the debris, and sometimes, we are in fact, the storm.

When a cyclone whips a life into disrepair...when it destroys familiarity, safety and faith...there is a refuge, and that is shockingly, at the middle of the storm. The place we know as the Eye in meteorological terms. In human terms...I believe it's the Soul. As Wikipedia explains:

"In strong tropical cyclones, the eye is characterized by light winds and clear skies, surrounded on all sides by a towering, symmetric eyewall."

The storm can rage all around...but there is a refuge. If the storm has beaten you past the possibility of faith...if the Eye inside you has been lost due to a tidalwave of epic circumstances, then might I challenge you...find a palm tree. Find someone with deep roots...someone who bends with the storm, but remains fixed, and strong and provides shelter for you.

Someone did that for me not so long ago...he caught me as I was defenseless against the elements. In a blink, he was gone. In a second my life is different. Today I am grateful for his friendship....and I am overcome with the lesson, " At the moment of your greatest challenge, is also presented your greatest opportunity".

Thank you Michael...I know who I need to be. xo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_jSSVJwGek

The Post-It Project

It's been a long time since a post has gotten me out of bed...but here I am. I was awakened abruptly, often around 3:00am, not so long ago, with ideas...with stories...with lightbulb moments that dragged me sleepily to my laptop.

It's much earlier than 3:00am tonight...I have not been jostled awake by agonizing grief, or memories of a simpler life that sits comfortably in my peripheral...I've been brought here with an idea.

The Post-It Project.

I have an ungodly amount of Post-Its in my office. It's true. For some reason, everytime I order my monthly supplies from work to stock my home office...I order more. I have no idea what I am thinking. I haven't ordered any in a number of months now, because a brick of Big Bird yellow, sticky pieces of paper, caused a casualty. A stack of them, not yet opened out of the plastic wrap, tumbled off the shelf above my desk, and unforgivingly, and with great precision I might add...took the "G" clear off this laptop. NO room for repair...total massacre.

So, with all of these Post-It's...what's a girl to do?

Starting tomorrow...I will have a block of Post-It's with me, at all times. Each time I enter a business, whether it be a convenience store, a coffee shop, my dentist....a gas station...I am going to leave a message. I might hide it somewhere...maybe on page 137 of the latest Harper's Bazaar fashion magazine...perhaps on the mirror in a public bathroom...definitely on the back of a pack of gum, or on the handle of the gas pump I am using.

These notes will say affirming, thoughtful things to the recipient. I will never know who gets the message...and that, I think is brilliant. Perhaps I will quote Shakespeare, or maybe, I will compliment the shoes I'm not seeing...but, the intention will be to make someone smile, and to create a bright spot in their day to day, mundane activities.

So, don't be surprised if you start seeing yellow tabs on magazines at Chapters... or a hidden one found in the next cookbook you buy when you get to page 48...I'm determined to post some happiness into this world, one yellow square at a time.

Do you need some Post-It's my friend? xo

http://www.operationbeautiful.com/

Who Are You?

Someone mentioned an interesting philosophy to me this week. It has entered my mind in quiet moments of reflection, and times when I am able to to contemplate just who I am.

We have all heard that in life, there are givers, and takers. But, in taking that concept one step further, the question raised to me was:

Are you a lifter or a leaner?

The tide of this human experience determines times where we are inevitably either the reliant, or subsequently, the relied upon. There isn't a single person who has been just one, or the other.

We can choose to be the student, or the teacher. I would hope, that at all points in this brief life...being a student ravenous for knowledge and experience would be a goal that is top of mind, morphing and adapting to a life out in front, not behind. Being a teacher to someone seeking an advocate and gentle guidance is more than being mindful of your role as a teacher...sometimes, the life you live in front of someone, a life lived on purpose, inspires one...or many to seek a life past their predictable horizon.

I have observed in the last number of months, that it is truly easier to be a nice person, than an unpleasant, negative one. Kindness is disarming...kindness defuses...kindness is acutely unexpected in our world. Pouring a glistening drop of belief into someones life, reaches far beyond the initial contact...it leaves a ripple mark, it instills hope...it activates a beacon deep inside a person desperate for a champion.

A positive attitude is contagious...and also needs to be protected with great diligence. Surround yourself with those who are likeminded. Build an inpenetrable border for yourself with people who uplift you...believe in you...and push you beyond what is acceptable according to your capabilities...as they urge you to stretch, push and grow personally, professionally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

Don't be ashamed to ask for help. Find something everyday that you can say, "I don't know" to...and aggressively seek the answer. Know that as you are surrendered to leaning at different times in your life, that you are preparing, even in those dark, blurry moments for a call:

To be a well equipped, just on time, not late for even one second... lifter.

Love Is..

There is nothing that love can't endure. It stretches thin, it swells to fill...it absorbs all.

I have been thinking about the character of love today. Just what does it mean to me? What does it do for me? To me? In spite of my shortfalls?

Love is like a sponge to me. It's not really useful, unless it is absorbing, and being used to capacity.

Love, like a sponge, is an instrument to clear things up. It holds no limit, as it can be rung out, over and over again. Very little will cause it to crumble and lose its absorbancy, for it by nature, is a cleanser. It doesn't lose effectiveness with different spills...it consistently does its job, and clarifies.

If you have read even a couple of my posts, you will know that I am wading through the loss of someone irreplaceable. With this loss, I have for some reason felt a semblance of responsibility for the hearts of the grieving. It's a hard one to explain. Many times, and never moreso than in the last few weeks have I wanted to grab that sponge, and somehow sop up this horrendous, murky dark puddle of dispair. My heart aches with each beat, the loss scratches at my soul, preventing the opportunity for a scar to develop. My efforts to absorb grief, both my own, and others, has stretched me beyond what I thought I was ever capable of, or desirous of. With much discomfort and an unruly, restless soul...I have come to a conclusion:

We are qualified for the mission when love is the reason we chose to participate.

I loved Michael. I still do. Truthfully, I always will. Because I loved him, I continue on with what he thought was important. I absorb the grief of others, wring it out with compassion and understanding...and head back toward the swirling ocean of heartache...determined, to start all over again. I do this, because he did it for me. His way of loving me, of being that sponge...was to be an unfailing, intent listener. He carried my secrets, and I his. Now I CHOOSE to absorb the details of each person I come across...the beautiful, the hideous, the resplendent...all in a quest for understanding, both of myself, and that of the person sharing with me.

If you seek the character of love, might I leave you with a clear picture of its nature:

“Love is patient; love is kind and envies no one. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; never selfish, never quick to take offense. There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and endurance. In a word, there are three things that last forever: faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of them all is love.”

May we strive to love beyond what is merely acceptable, to that which is extraordinary and pure. May we come alongside the broken hearted, the weak and the lost and gently take their hand, or put an arm of mercy around them. May we do it not for ourselves, or our own recognition, but rather, to bring the glow of grace into a life that has burned low the wick of hope.

Michael...I do it for you.

Reminder on the Path

A friend of mine shared a story with me not long ago. I loved the story so much, that I asked him if I could share it. It's a story that all of us are hoping will be the outcome of our life.

To be found.

My amazing, insightful and brilliant friend is on a journey right now. He is seeking truth...he is searching for peace, and I believe, he is desperate for meaning. Not just personally, but in the grand scheme of this whisper we call life. I see all great things layed out before him...layed out on a table. Some of those things are face down and are waiting to be discovered. Some pieces are upsidedown, and need to be set right again. A few pieces, I think..are fatally damaged. I believe those pieces need to be examined for what they were...and what they now are, and put away in order to allow a masterpiece to emerge.

My friend took a walk not long ago. He was meandering along the waterfront, not far from his home. He came upon an elderly couple stopped in the middle of the path. They were transfixed with one of those things we often overlook as one of lifes little miracles. A monarch butterfly had paused on the ground...and was gingerly flapping its wings...slowly...methodically...in a trance like state. He too halted his walk for a moment, to observe this lovely winged black and orange undercover angel.

As he carried on his way, I believe his mind was fine tuned for a not so random encounter. His senses were heightened for a moment predestined just for him.

He strolled along the waterfront, as he had many times before...and came upon a park bench that he had walked past on numerous occasions. This time..he took notice of the bench...and this time, the bench stood guard over a secret. Something out of the corner of his eye was tuned to something nestled in the grass at the back righthand leg. As he went to investigate...he found a brilliant reminder of how God finds you where you are.

A bracelet. Beaded with pictures of Jesus, and Mary... and various religious figures on an elasticated band. For a man on a quest to find God...to find meaning...I believe this was a clear message, gently whispered to a wounded soul...."I see you...I am with you...I want to be close to you on your terms".

So my dear friend wears that bracelet now. I don't know if he sees that story like I do...but I did assure him that it wasn't a mistake...not one second of that encounter was by chance.

I think of you often and with fondness SP...always when I see 88, when I hear a brilliant piano player...and when I think about the undeniable fact that life is continually coming together for all of us. Magic will fall onto your pathway always...and point you towards this one fact,

you're never so lost that you can't be found. xo

Free Bird

Don't put a bird in a cage...for it is meant to be free. It is meant to flutter its feathers in anticipation of a journey. It will gently fan its tail feathers, give it's head a shake, and instantly ascend at its own whim. Don't take its freedom, and try to keep it a prisoner...for this goes against its nature as a creature of the breeze.

What things do you hold onto in a cage with a tiny little door? Do you open that door, just to feed the control you are trying to contain? Is it a relationship you can't let go of? Or, perhaps a past hurt or wrong that has caged you, and caused you to live your life inside of a world of mental bars?

Once again, a common saying has come to me in a radiant new light.

"If you love something, then set it free. If it is yours, it will return...if not, it was never meant to be".

I let go of something yesterday. While it was material, and in critical need of replacing...my heart told me to retain it for a time when I was better prepared to be at a loss. It would be nothing to most people...it would be a very exciting time for most everyone I know. However, it struck me with anxiety and complete aprehension.

I bought a new vehicle. My lease on my beloved Jeep is finished in November, and I knew I wouldn't be keeping it. Most people would think this was an exciting time...one of new opportunity, and of course, something shiny and more current to learn about, and park in the driveway. The caging of my excitement came because of this...

My Jeep is the first place I was with Michael...and it is also the last. So, the substitution of the Jeep for something newer is just one more step in the process of accepting the loss of him...the loss of us. On Wednesday, I actually grabbed the phone to call him and tell him about the new wheels...for a flash, life was as it had always been...and he was still here.

But as with a caged bird...or anything held too tightly, a funny thing happens. It cages you and holds you, as much as you hold it. You inadvertantly become obligated to the care and nurturing of the prisoner. Just as the bird needs to be fed and taken care of...so do anxiety and fear in order for you to sustain them. You must supply them with the necessary nutrition to survive, otherwise, existence isn't possible.

Or so we think.

When we open that cage door...or open our hands to the new, whether it be healing, forgiveness or understanding, we are instantly released...just as the inhabitant of the guilded cage is. While life without the company of the inhabitant of the cage is strange, and perhaps a little unsettling...it is best for the one who lives in the cage, and the one who decided it needed to be there in the first place. The release is like setting a bird free...and watching glorious emancipation stretch out its wings, and soar into the distance.

So, the Jeep is gone. I am stronger, and free in its release. I am protective of the memories I hold in the most sacred of places...but rest assured...there is no locked door on my remembrances of Michael...

for he is a Free Bird. xo

Persolvo is Porro

Persolvo: this verb carries with it the paying or filling of an obligation or vow.

Porro: forward, further, next, in turn.

It sounds very romantic in the Latin. The concept is not new, and was first expressed in a play in Athens, Greece. The year was 317 BC. Humans through history have stumbled toward the beauty of this action...and that is, to Pay it Forward.

Pay it Forward. What does it bring to your mind? A cheesy movie with Kevin Spacey and Haley Joel, "I see dead people" Osment? Or does it stir recollection? One of an act of kindness that caught you bewildered, or just brought a smile to your face? Or does it provoke a memory of when you were the one who extended an unexpected kindness?

I think the easiest, and most inexpensive of acts, is a compliment. It's amazing to see someone light up for your recognition...whether it be a compliment about their appearance, a talent, or just because. If compliments were currency, I would certainly hope that we all have a surplus in our bank. One where we can deposit the ones we have received, but more importantly, spend on those who need one most. The exchange rate of thoughtfulness never leaves one with less than they started with, rather, it grows with each transaction.

While it is exciting to be part of this amazing ebb and flow in our life journey, I am of the opinion that keeping the acts you have participated in to yourself. I'd guess in the grand scheme of life, that kind of installment holds a much more precious value. Keeping it silent, I believe is the entire essence of the interaction.

Some people spend their lives taking. Never being secure enough in their own skin to extend any kind of sincerity to another. Puddle deep. That's what I call those people. Some people spend their lives wild with jealousy...I would rightfully anticipate, that Paying it Forward is the last thing on their mind. Or, of course, there are those so wrapped up in their own lives, and their own personal dramas, that they can't shift even a baby toe over the line of compassion, and to the recognition that there is more to this life than just them.

But then, you meet someone who blows the doors off of your Pay it Forward concepts. That person is sent to you, to show you that you can do so much more...you can BE so much more, if you will just pay attention in this life. That person is perhaps catching up...for years of being a taker...but is doing one hell of a job making a difference here and now, and...from now on.

Thankfully, Pay it Forward doesn't die when we do. It lives on inside the ones we love.

The movement continues...from Athens in 317 BC, to my apartment in September, 2010 AD.

Michael...we're off at it again...walk ahead of us, so we can follow your unquestionable shadow. May we Pay it Forward with focus and endurance...and may we make you proud. xo