Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I am finding meaning, and parallel thinking in the most unusual things since February 13th. I find that nothing has one dimension...that all of those hum drum daily activities or routine behaviours are jumping out at me with a new perspective.
I was undecided on what to wear this morning. At the last minute, I decided to delve into the closet, and find something I haven't worn in a while. I pulled out a blouse I had forgotten about. I remembered for a second how much I loved it when I bought it. I put it on. To my surprise...it still smelled like my perfume. Even after all this time...that which I had forgotten about, left an impression of me.
I was then compelled to think....what will remain of me? What will be that instant reminder of who Jenn was? Even if I am not thought about for a little while...when someone who loves me and knows me speaks of me...what will they want to share about the essence of who I was?
I have been reading some old emails from my dear friend...his confessions were candid, raw and real..I am blessed to have a record of those things. I have learned something new from one in particular. He said..."I was always the kind of person who wished that God had given me a roadmap for life...because I don't want to mess it up". But instead of letting this statement be an excuse for not doing anything...he took it as a charge to do much...to be much...to leave behind a path of hope, redemption and fearless living. He, in essence, blazed a trail...making change seem possible to those of us who have been living life on autopilot, looking for things to begin, or looking for someone to place blame on for the way our lives didn't turn out.
I am guilty...of apathy. I am guilty...of being selfish.
I am INSPIRED to change...I am MOTIVATED to be present in my life...everyday. Why? Because my nephew is 3 this week..and I am astounded at the fact that I blinked..and he is no longer the infant I rocked to sleep. Why? Because someone I cared for deeply left this earth in the wee small hours of the morning on February 13th...and left a legacy that speaks of nothing but pride, love and admiration. Why? Beacause everyday I wake up in a world where there is need....my job isn't done...and I LOVE a challenge.
When I think back to that blouse hanging in my closet...I have a clear picture of the parallels. It was there all along....even when I wasn't using it. It has an unmistakeable "Jenn with two n's" imprint on it..that lingering heir of my identity that those who know me would identify and hold solace in. It has left an impression....
What will remain for you, my friends?